Navigating life as an Autistic or AuDHDer (Autism + ADHD) involves a unique set of challenges in managing stress, energy levels, and emotional responses. One tool that can offer support is Dr. Stuart Shanker’s Self-Reg framework, a science-based approach to self-regulation. In this blog post, I’ll explore how this framework can be used by Autistics and AuDHDers to reduce stress and improve self-regulation.
What is self-regulation?
Self-regulation is the ability to understand and manage your emotions, thoughts, behaviours, and physical responses. Self-regulation helps individuals respond to stressful situations in adaptive ways, allowing them to navigate life’s demands without becoming overwhelmed. It involves recognizing when you’re experiencing stress or strong emotions, identifying the underlying causes, and using appropriate strategies to regain balance or a sense of safety (which sometimes looks like calmness, but not always!).
What is the Self-Reg framework?
The Self-Reg framework, created by Dr. Stuart Shanker, is a method for understanding stress and developing strategies to manage it. Stress is defined as anything that takes your system (body/mind) out of homeostasis (balance) – this can include things that feel positive (e.g., excitement) and things that feel negative (e.g., anxiety). The model breaks stress down into five interrelated domains: Biological, Social, Cognitive, Emotional, and Prosocial. It emphasizes reducing stress (when possible) rather than forcing behavioural compliance, making it a neurodiversity-affirming approach. Here are a few graphics that describe examples of stressors in each domain that Autistics/AuDHDers may experience. These graphics are also available as a free download in a PDF letter-sized format in my online store.
The power of reframing stress
A key part of the Self-Reg framework is the concept of reframing stress. Instead of viewing challenging behaviours or emotional responses as something “wrong,” we can reframe them as signs of excess stress. For Autistics and AuDHDers, this is crucial. Meltdowns, shutdowns, or emotional outbursts are not moral failings or signs of inadequacy—they are indicators of stress overload in one or more domains. Using this reframe can create greater self-compassion and allow you to prevent future meltdowns/shutdowns by identifying what led up to the stress overload then taking steps to reduce those stressors before you end up back in meltdown/shutdown again.
Working towards self-regulation
The goal of using the Self-Reg framework is to develop an individualized, compassionate approach to managing stress. Keeping in mind that not all stress is bad stress and that you can’t 100% avoid stress, here are some ideas on how to reduce stressors in each of the domains so that you can create greater capacity for dealing with the stress that you cannot predict or reduce:
Biological stressors:
- Identify your sensory triggers and use sensory aids to manage sensory input
- Develop flexible routines that honour your energy levels, taking breaks when needed to avoid burnout
Social stressors:
- Choose social environments and people who respect your boundaries and understand your neurodivergence
- Develop scripts for common social situations
- Allow yourself recovery time after social events
Cognitive stressors:
- Break down tasks into smaller, more manageable steps
- Use apps, AI (e.g., goblin.tools), planners, and checklists that support executive functioning to free up cognitive energy
- Schedule regular “brain breaks” to move your body
Emotional stressors:
- Create visual or written emotion charts to help you track emotional triggers/patterns to connect them to stressors
- Treat yourself with kindness, allowing space for your feelings without judgment
Prosocial stressors:
- Practice saying “no” when asked to take on too much, ensuring that your needs are met first
- Allow yourself to feel empathy without taking on others’ emotional burdens
Key points:
- Identify stressors: Use the Self-Reg framework to identify stressors in each of the five domains: biological, social, cognitive, emotional, and prosocial stressors.
- Reduce stressors: Work on reducing stressors when possible to create more capacity for staying regulated.
- Reframe behaviours: Shift from self-blame or trying to “fix” behaviours to understanding them as natural responses to too much stress.
By using the Self-Reg framework, you can move toward self-acceptance, reduce stress, and feel more regulated more of the time.
Some legal disclaimers: This post does not provide medical or therapeutic advice and is intended for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Each individual is unique, so please do not ignore professional medical advice because of something you have read on this site.
