Empathy and autism: the Double Empathy Problem

This post is the last in a six-part series on empathy from Autistic perspectives. In this post, we’ll explore the Double Empathy Problem. If you missed the previous five posts, you can find them here: Post 1: alexithymia, Post 2: cognitive empathy, Post 3: emotional empathy, Post 4: compassionate empathy, and Post 5: somatic empathy.

What is the Double Empathy Problem?

The Double Empathy Problem, a theory created by Autistic academic Dr. Damian Milton, refers to the mutual challenges in communication and understanding that occur when individuals from different neurotypes, such as Autistic and allistic individuals, interact with each other. It suggests that difficulties in social interaction do not solely originate from deficits in Autistic individuals’ ability to understand or empathize with non-Autistic perspectives, but also from non-Autistic individuals’ potential lack of understanding or empathy towards Autistic perspectives. You can read more about the Double Empathy Problem here, which includes links to research that seem to support this theory.

As we’ve explored in this series on empathy, not all people experience empathy in the same way. In fact, “empathy” as a concept is multifaceted, and there are actually four different types of empathy (cognitive, emotional, compassionate, and somatic). Each person, whether Autistic or not, has their own empathetic profile.

When we are able to recognize that our experience of empathy is not the only way that empathy can look, we can open ourselves up to understanding differing perspectives. Doing so can not only increase our own empathy, but may even lead to appreciation of how another person demonstrates their empathy and care. At bare minimum, it may help reduce miscommunication!

An example of the Double Empathy Problem in action

Let’s look at how the Double Empathy Problem could look in a social situation:

Alex is Autistic, and is attending a social gathering with a group of friends. During the event, one of Alex’s friends, Sally, begins to share about a difficult experience she recently had. As Sally recounts her story, Alex listens intently and remains silent, not offering any verbal reassurances or expressions of empathy. Instead, Alex may show their empathy through nonverbal cues, such as nodding or displaying a calm and attentive demeanor.

However, Sally, who is neurotypical, interprets Alex’s lack of verbal response as indifference or lack of empathy. She may feel hurt or frustrated by what she perceives as Alex’s failure to offer support or understanding. Meanwhile, Alex genuinely feels empathy towards Sally’s situation but struggles to express it in the expected verbal manner due to differences in social communication and expression.

In this scenario, the misunderstanding arises from differences in how Autistic and neurotypical individuals express and perceive empathy. While Alex’s nonverbal cues may convey empathy effectively to other Autistic individuals or those familiar with Autistic communication styles, they may be misinterpreted by Sally and other neurotypical individuals who expect more overt verbal expressions of empathy.

If Sally understood Alex better, she might recognize and appreciate the nonverbal cues that Alex uses to express empathy. Instead of interpreting Alex’s silence as indifference, Sally would understand that Alex’s attentive listening and nodding are genuine signs of empathy. Sally may feel validated and supported knowing that Alex is actively engaged and empathetic, even though they may not express it in the same way that she does.

Tips for neurotypicals to develop better understanding of Autistic empathy

If you are neurotypical and reading this, it may come as a surprise that Autistics are more likely to understand neurotypicals than vice versa. Autistics have had to learn about neurotypical communication and norms as a way to survive in a world that prizes neurotypicality, but it hasn’t usually been necessary for neurotypical people to do the same. So if you are willing to be a part of the solution to cross-neurotype miscommunication, I offer you the following tips:

• Educate yourself about autism: Learn more about autism, including characteristics, communication differences, and sensory sensitivities. Unmasking Autism* by Dr. Devon Price is a great place to start, or the Autistic Culture podcast. My resources section also has a wide variety of other options depending on how you like to learn.
• Ask Autistics about their experiences: Engage in open and honest conversations with Autistics about their communication preferences, sensory sensitivities, and any challenges they may face in social interactions. There are some excellent Facebook groups where you can find Autistics willing to share their perspectives, such as Ask Me, I’m Autistic.
• Learn about neurodivergent love languages: Autistic people may have different ways of expressing our care than allistics might. The neurodivergent love languages (info dumping, parallel play, penguin pebbling, deep pressure, and support swapping) are a re-think of the original love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, physical touch, and acts of service). They can be a great way to be able to identify when an Autistic is showing you love or affection, and how you might reciprocate.
• Practice patience: Recognize that differences in communication styles and sensory processing may require extra understanding and flexibility. We appreciate patience and grace, even when we are too overwhelmed to be able to offer it in return.

I hope you have enjoyed this series on empathy and autism!